Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's top hosts devoted the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the controversial plan which allows overseas citizens to acquire U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" version for five million. A government website guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A quick note for you to rich foreigners: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – if it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to address affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.